is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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