Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
