There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
