btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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