You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
