There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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