I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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