Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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