She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
