At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
