The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
