you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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