I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
