Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
