You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just fell off a train. Bad.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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