my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
