A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
