When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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