I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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