If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
