I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
