I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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