You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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