I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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