grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
