Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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