just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
