I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
