well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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