I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
