but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
