I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
