Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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