omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
