You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
