when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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