you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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