Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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