He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
