There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
