Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize