guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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