The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
