we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
