the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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