Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
