i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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