Small penises have feelings too.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
