I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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