Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
