Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
