Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Couch. On fire.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
