And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
