I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
