Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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