I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
