I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
