Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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