Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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