I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
40s are totally the cure
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
